I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
