Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
