fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
