Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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