ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think a kid would responsible me up
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
