If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
