Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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