Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
