im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
