Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
that may or may not have been my penis.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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