apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
apparently the secret to your success is patron
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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