I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
