There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My feet surprised me
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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