before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
