please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
her facebook's as public as her vagina
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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