omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
