Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
