And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
