i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Less talking, more tequila
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
