My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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