I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
