You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
