very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
