I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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