I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I need moral support for this bender
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
