but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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