Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
