you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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