no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
