the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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