Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
