so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
