Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I touched a dick in church today
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
