oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
