Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
