I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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