Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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