They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
