he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
