I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
