Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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