I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
