Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
