it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
