So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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