I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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