I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
