I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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