Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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