They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
