Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
