Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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