Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
